Leadership Advice - Developing Your Charisma
As leaders, at the start of every week, we should look forward to seeking new ways to value people. A good way to value people can be by developing your charisma.
I think it’s true to say that most people enjoy people who are fun and charismatic. But many people can tend to disassociate themselves from this because they think (rightly or wrongly) that they could never be that person. But developing charisma is a choice, and it can be broken down into three words:-
Presence
Confidence
Warmth
Presence
Charismatic people are entirely present. So when they are with you – they are with you. Jim Rohn summed it up succinctly by saying:-
“Wherever you are - be there.”
Charismatic people give you the feeling that you are their entire world, and when they are with you – it’s all about you, not about them. They have this incredible ability to be present and to focus on you until you think “Wow! What I am saying and what I’m doing is really important to them”. It’s important to make the person who is talking to you make them know that you are all theirs. They have your total attention.
So ask yourself this question. When you walk into a room which person are you? Are you walking in with a walk and a statement which says “Here I am!”, or do you walk into a room saying “Oh my gosh, there YOU are!”. There is a lot of difference between those two!
Lady Jennie Spencer Churchill (1854-1921)
There is a famous story about Jenni Jerome, Lady Randolph Churchill, who dined with both Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone both of whom were running for the position of Prime Minister in the UK at the turn of the 20th century. Benjamin Disraeli won the election and when a journalist asked Lady Randolph Churchill what her impressions of the two men were, she responded:-
“When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.”
Disraeli had spent the entire evening asking her questions and listening to her responses. He steered the entire conversation towards her as he was a master of the art of making people feel important, and he won the election because of this. Gladstone, a very clever and witty man who had and knew everything he needed to win the election, had not mastered the art of making people feel brilliant, respected, and important as Disraeli had.
Our interest in others is irresistible. If you want to be interesting, be interested. Interested people in others, become interesting people to others. We can become good listeners, we just have to make the choice to become good listeners.
The first secret of a charismatic leader is presence.
Confidence
Charismatic people have and project confidence. They are not arrogant, aloof or cocky, they are comfortable in their skin, with their life and with you. They pretty much feel that whatever comes their way, they can handle it.
As a John Maxwell Team Member, we very much promote that in our DNA, we are people of value, who value people and add value to them.
In our training as John Maxwell Team coaches in these values - that we are people of value, what John was doing with us was was instilling confidence into us. i.e. Helping us feel confident about who we are. He made us feel “I am a person of value!”.
Then when he talks about “we are people of value, who value other people”, then what we are doing is saying that if I am a person of value which instils confidence in me, then I look at you and value you, then I am helping to instil confidence in you. I have confidence in me, and so therefore I have confidence in you.
Then we are people of value, who value people and add value to them – now I am confident not only in me, and confident in you, but I am confident in my service to you! I am confident that I can add value to you.
Putting that all together, you have a very charismatic person. You have a person who knows who they are, and is willing to value and give and share and add value to other people’s life.
A confident person will come into a room and turn on the light - brighten it up. They will instinctively make you feel so good in their presence that they will do you good just by being there.
What has happened during COVID over the past year and a half, has given us two choices. We can either curse the darkness, and many people do, or we can just turn on the light. People with charisma turn on the light because they have confidence that no matter how dark it is, it will get brighter.
The second secret of a charismatic leader is confidence.
Warmth
Charismatic people create a feeling of warmth whenever they are with someone. Warmth creates a connection, you feel close to them even though you don’t know why, but you just get the feeling when you are with them that they care for you. They are interested in you, they listen to you, they value you, and that is very important. John Maxwell has been saying for over 40 years now:-
“People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
The late American author, actress, screenwriter, dancer, poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou said it so beautifully:-
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
When you feel good about yourself, and when you feel good about other people, you transfer that warmth – that confidence feeling to them. It’s a fact. When you are around them you want to stay around them.
The third secret of a charismatic leader is warmth.
Summary
So it is very possible that you can develop charisma. You just need to work on these three specific areas. Ask yourself - How present are you with people? How confident are you in yourself and others? How warm are you?
Believe the best in people and it will appeal to them and draw them to you. Be kind, be nice, be grateful, let people know you care for them. Telephone your closest friends regularly and tell them you love them. Express that warmth and caring for them and all of this will lead to charisma.
My name’s Paul, and I’m your friend.
🌍 Paul Hopfensperger - #BeTheDifference 👊
